If that’s the case, then the equivalent interaction would be a man directly insulting their partner. Direct insults are how men communicate criticism to other men. Calling another man (at least one you know well) a “fucking wanker” is perfectly acceptable in a wide variety of situations and, unless offence is intended, it’s unlikely to cause much offence. By contrast, calling a woman a “fucking bitch” is horribly offensive in almost every context. So maybe direct criticism is to men as direct insults are to women?

And of course, the idea that men shouldn’t call women these kinds of things is also rather ingrained in our culture and taken for granted. So is this men pandering to women?

I have browsed a few men’s magazines; and, although not an expert on them, the sex talk I have seen in them is male-centered. The title of the articles might be “How to Please a Woman”, but the content is mostly a re-hash of what men would like to believe – not what is actually the case. I have always been interested in the philosophy of sex (my university actually offered a class in it); and have had the opportunity to ask men a lot of questions about it. Most; if not all, have very little clue what a woman really wants. And it is our (women’s) fault.

I agree that putting someone’s needs above your own should balance out in a healthy relationship, should. Women are responsible for enabling a culture where ’should’ is not normally the case. Let’s face it, the whole equality among the sexes is a relatively new phenomena. Actually, it has just recently been re-realised. Our ancient female ancestors enjoyed more equality than women today. Women today still feel like they are the one’s making most of the sacrifices in relationships.

I treat my girlfriend’s insecurities with care and concern; while at the same time being blunt with criticism or advice. In point of fact, my girlfriend’s insecurities are few and far between. Avoiding them is pretty easy. With men; however, it seems like any criticism or ‘blunt advice’ hits on an insecurity. Are men really this insecure? I don’t think so. I think they are just reacting to the way women talk to them. Women have pandered to ‘the fragile male ego’ for so long that men interpret criticism from a woman as… something worse than it should be.

Being sensitive to the insecurities of your partner is very important. I am not equating the male ego with insecurities. Insecurities are a character trait of all humans; the male ego is a creation of the female mind. The former should be treated with respect and care. The latter has become so ingratiated in our culture that we take its existence for granted.

I agree with your response, in theory. But in application things are not that black and white.

I also think the fragile ego thing is more to do with relationships versus friendships than men versus women. Putting someone else’s needs above your own isn’t a female thing, it’s a relationship thing. And in healthy relationships it balances out. It seems to me that what you call “protecting the fragile male ego” is actually just being sensitive to the insecurities of your partner. Men do the same thing. And if the things you have to be sensitive about seem trivial to you, well, the things that men have to be sensitive about with regards to the women in their lives are just as trivial and just as important.